Woo i'm back from tour and as such I thought i'd go against my usual argument against using a stupid journal and actually use it.

For those who don't know and for those who may have forgotten for the past 3 weeks me and the rest of the Symphonic Wind Syphony of St Peters Lutheran College have been on a band tour of America.

We played in Honolulu, LA, Seattle and Vancouver. We also stopped by in Aukland for a night. That's a total of 3 countries.

Alright now for some further detail on the trip.

Auckland:
Our trip started at 9.30am on Monday the 28th of November 2005. It was about a 3hr flight from Brisbane to Auckland and we were only staying there overnight. What we did see of Auckland wasn't all that interesting and it was very similar to Australia. Unfortunetly to my great disapointment I didn't see a single sheep. We did however see some cows in the middle of the city. I made up for the lack of sheep with a poscard with sheep on it.

Honolulu:
Next up Hawii. We left Auckland at 12.55pm on the 29th and arrived 8hrs later at 10.30pm the previous day. Dam confusing place that northern hemisphere. Yay America land of the realy realy realy long customs line.

It's a strange place in Hawii. They were in the middle of there winter yet it was Brisbane's summer temperature. They measure temperature in farenheight or whatever it is (0C = 17F). They have realy strange traffic lights. They can't spell the word centre. Everything is at least twice as big as it should be (including the toilets) andthey drive on the wrong side of the road... hmph.

Anyway we were in Hawii so that was cool. We were spending the next 4 or so days here so we had lots to do including our first few concerts which attracted virtually no one. The sightseeing part of Hawii was good. We went to some random beach that apparently had the biggest waves in the world (just not at that present time), Waikiki Beach which I give 3 humbs up and Pearl Harbour.

I found out that it was some Hawian king who introduced surfing to South America and Australia. All in all Hawii was a great place along with the people.

Los Angeles:
5hr flight to LA. Everyone note that United Airlines is 'the' worst airline ever. Uncomfortable seats, no room, have to pay for food, realy boringly painted aircraft and the people who loading bags unto/out of the airplane had no respect what so ever for them. Several of our instraments were damaged including my Tuba. Then again we had been flying with Air New Zealand in our last 2 flights which is complete luxury.

LA is awsome. Disneyland was great but anyone could tell you that. I won't say just what was there because there was too much and I can't be bothered but we performed there which was good.

The billets I was staying with refered to Hollywood as "Hollywierd" and for good reason. We of cource saw the famous 'Hollywood' sign and then went to Beverly Hills. This is the wierd place. The mall has chandeleer street lights. Some of the people there are also realy impatient. I saw some guy in his car beep at a guy infront of him for slowing down to turn the corner. We also went on a tour to stars houses tour beautifully stagged by our band directors.

Seattle:
I'm getting sick of all this writting. My bet is that most people will have stopped reading it by now but i'll continue. Seattle. Cold. Icy mountains in the background. Dormant Volcano. Great big Space Needle tower in the middle of the city from where we could see just about everything. Complete with widesceen zoom in camera so we could spy on the inocent little people going about their daily lives.

One thing I should have said before. The Americans love us. As Australians we were automatically cool. Including Rusten (any who know who Rusten is will understand). The only thing they were dissapointed in was our accents which they thought wern't strong enough. Any Americans reading my journal for reasons beyond me should note that only tards who live outback have rediculously strong accents.

Also Seattle has an underground called the Seattle underground believe it or not. Like the London underground only abandoned and in Seattle instead of London. Note I have never been to London. Any way it's got a realy interesting and exciting story to go with it but it's realy long so I won't put it here unless someone asks me to.

We also went to Boeing where they make all the Boeing aircraft for all over the world. Including that realy cool aboriginal Quantas plane if any of you have seen it. I promised my parents i'd buy a plane (model plane) there. I came back with a squishy plane toy thingy.

Vancouver:
Oh Canada Oh Canada. Bus drive from Seattle to Vancouver = 3hrs. We've gone from cold to f**king cold. I was wearing at least 4 layers to keep me warm. Canada is to U.S. as New Zealand is to Australia just to simplify things. So Canada is full of snow and not much eles save civilization. Fortunetly everywhere has heating so it's only cold outside.

On the first day there we went to some schools winter banquet where we performed, ate and then danced. I was asked by no less than 4 'Canadian' girls to dance. 1 of whome I rejected, 1 who asked me twice and a further 1 who I asked. Go me the chick magnet. That's a total of 5 dances I think.

Now I couldn't say I went to Canada withought going to a Hockey Match. Well I could but you know what I mean. Woot Hockey. Awsome game complete with fights every 5min which I took movies of thanks to my wonderful digital camera. We saw the Vancouver Giants slaughter the someonearather Rockets 4 - nil. I was so happy I bought a hockey puck.

The last day of the tour we spent at Whistler Ski Resort. Our band director had been telling us the whole tour that we wouldn't be going skiing because he didn't want to risk anyone breaking anything. But the other staff convinced him and so we did go skiing.

I had been skiing once before so only fell over 6 times or so. My left side is still bruised. We were put in groups with ski instructors depending on our skill. There were only 2 other 1 time only skiers making me in a group of 3.

2 girls who shall remain nameless Chaz & Ali managed in the 1st 5min to break both their wrists. Mr Mason wasn't happy.

So that pretty much sums up the trip. In between all that stuff we performed and stuff as such which was the main reason we went in the first place. It was great trip and an unforgettable experience.

I've just heard this story which i'm told is true.

This girl around 15, 16 years of age lied to her parents about going to a friends place for the night when she was actually going out with her boyfriend.

So she and her boyfriend went to a party, got drunk, smoked drugs and were on their way back to the girls home when they crashed into another car, killing the two people in the car and the girls boyfriend. The girl was the only survivor and escaped uninjured.

As she sat in the ambulance she told the parametics that she was very sorry about what had happened and wanted them to tell her parents she was sorry for lieing to them.

Only one problem. The two people that had been killed in the other car were her parents.

True story.

ma grannies a cripple, a sad song by Jasper Carrot


O' ma grannies a cripple in Nashville,

but her wheelchair it had a loose screw,

and on three wheels it trundled,

over the edge of that cliff,

in that old sea side town fareway.


Now driving the wheel chair was a blind orphan named joe and he said,

o' where on Earth is my grannie,

and where did that old wheel chair go,

so off he went a searching,

but his sightless eyes led him astray,

and he walked right over,

the edge of that cliff in that old sea side town fareway.


So they sent for a doctor,

and an ambulence two they came rushing,

they came rushing from two different ways,

and they cashed with a biff,

and shot over that cliff,

in that old sea side town fareway.


So they sent for pasta Maloney and he said,

well friends now that we've gathered here,

we'd better pray i suppose,

but too many people had gathered,

and the edge of the cliff it gave way,

and down they all fell,

and shot straight to hell,

in that old sea side town fareway.

At the latest Comdex, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry, stating: "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving AUS$40.85 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Gates' comments, General Motors (GM) issued a press release, stating: "if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2) Every time the road lines are repainted, you would need to buy a new car.

3) Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You'd have to pull over, close all the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you'd simply accept this.

4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5) Macintosh would make a car that is solar powered, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive; but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'This car has performed an illegal operation' warning light.

7) The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9) Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers must learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10) You'd have to press the 'start' button to turn the engine off.

You've got to admit, GM has a point...

(for bist effict, rid these out aloud)

Milburn - capital of Victoris
Peck - to fill a suitcase
pissed aside - chemical which kills insects
pigs - for hanging out washing with
pug - large pink animal with a curly tail
nin tin dough - computer game
munnwe stroney - soup
min- male of the species
mess kara - eye makeup
mcKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
leather - foam produced from soap
lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
kittle crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
jungle bills - Christmas carol
inner me - enemy
guess - vapour
fush - marine creature
fitter cheney - type of pasta
ever cardeau - avocado
fear hear - blonde
ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
ear roebucks - exercise at gym
duffy cult - not easy
amejen - visualise
chuck - very young poultry
bug hut - popular recording
bun button - been bitten by insect
beard - a place to sleep
sucks peck - half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden
one doze - well known computer program
brudge - structure spanning a stream
sex - one less then sivven
tin - one more then nine
iggs ecktly - precisely
cuds - children
cuttin - baby cat
sivven sucks sivven - large Boeing aircraft
sivven four sivven - larger Boeing aircraft
earplane - large flying marchine
beggage chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport

New Zulander's note: please do not take offence